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I woke in the middle of the night Wednesday, a rare occurrence for me. I've come to understand that this happens to me after I've had a "Big Dream". A Big Dream is one that really puts the lightning in your core, that shakes you up. My Constellations teacher writes about Big Dreams being personal visions of deep truth. I'm not sure if this will be a Truth for you or not, but for me it was a pretty big one:

I am at an artistic workshop. There are large pieces of paper on the floor, and the teacher is giving everyone supplies. I am offered colored pencils, a huge pile of them. 

I take blues, purples, greens, and some other colors and make them into a bundle that I can draw with simultaneously. I make sure that all the points are beautifully sharpened and perfectly aligned in this bundle so that I can get several colors on the paper simultaneously. I begin to move the pencils on the paper.

Not self-identifying with being an artist, I'm wondering what I'll be able to come up with. To my delight, the first marks are just beautiful! I move my hand easily, trying not to concentrate too much on what is happening so that my subconscious can take over. 

There begin to be places where I've colored over again and again that are taking their own shape: part of a face, a grove of trees, movement. These partial images are just bursting with vitality and just shine off the page in the midst of all the other 'ordinary' marks which seem to partially obscure them, as if they are underneath trying to get out. I'm amazed and intrigued and delighted! This is going so much better than it's ever gone before. Even the places where there are dense marks have a certain mystery; something is under there, and I wonder what it is.

But still, I am slightly frustrated at my inability to bring these amazing forms clearly to the fore. My teacher is kind, and encourages me to keep working at it, assuring me that it will get better as I go. I begin reaching for greens, mustard browns, and ocher ...

When I woke up from this dream in the middle of the night, clear-headed as I always do when it is a Big Dream, I knew that this was about my present state of being, learning, and experience in my shamanic and personal spiritual work. In this awareness realm (which we call 'ordinary reality' :-), I almost always blend techniques, using two or three at once, whether I'm doing massage, shamanic healing, or writing software code. I'm a synthesizer, a syncretizer. Hence the bundle of colored pencils.

The words, "keep going" were echoing in my head as I walked to the bathroom before going back to sleep. I wanted to make sure I got this one.

I see this as a metaphor for theophany, the eruption of the Divine into our ordinary daily existence. I'm doing my best to create good conditions for this to happen, and sometimes it happens, if just a teeny bit. Divinity can be glimpsed, occasionally, imperfectly. I get discouraged sometimes when, after over a decade's worth of study and practice, I am still able to wield only occasional healing 'magic'. Deep in my loving heart, I really do wish I could be the agent of healing everything, all the time. Intellectually, I know that there are innumerable reasons why this doesn't happen. My heart does not understand this. But I keep going.

"Keep Going", I hear from the Helping Spirits. It does help, really. I've heard this so many times recently from so many different sources, it's uncanny. I had gotten in a little bit of a rut lately, and yesterday did about an hour's worth of personal clearing work, a rededication of myself to myself, and though I didn't feel hugely different immediately afterward, I felt quite a lot happier as the day wore on. And my dream at the end of it, I take as a very, very good sign, indeed.

And so, I'm not sad about my dream showing my completely imperfect grasp of things magical and spiritual; if anything, I am spurred on. Because little by little, it's working.

If you would like to explore your own dreams and find out about more techniques to juice up your dream life, you are welcome to join our Dream Exploration Circle. We meet once a month, and test-fly new techniques for dream exploration and dream re-entry.

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Jeffrey Rich, LMT, is a practitioner and educator in the healing arts living and working in Huntsville, AL. He is a licensed massage therapist, a certified systemic and family constellations facilitator, and shamanic practitioner and instructor.
Being a true Gemini, he has two websites,
www.shining-mountain.com and www.waterwillowmoon.com